‘Cool Partrol’ is cool y’all!

ninja sex party cool patrol album cover nsp.png

The fourth Ninja Sex Party album (sixth with their cover albums) released last friday.
After listening to it on repeat well over ten times, I have a few thoughts I’d like to share.


1. Intro (Cool)

I figured that the best way to go about this is to just go through the whole track-list, and share my thought as we get to the most relevant track.


2. Cool Patrol

One of the most popular NSP-songs ever, and well deserved.
I can’t belive that it has been almost two years since the music video for this song was released, time surely must have absorbed the power of flight!

Previous albums have almost exclusively focused their comedy on Danny Sexbang’s carnal desires (and Ninja Brian’s bloodlust), but this album is in many ways much sweeter.
This first song on the album is the first indication that this album is not quite like the others, as the song focuses on the Cool Patrol helping a kid deal with his bullies, with the comedy coming from how bad and random their advice is.


3. Orgy for One

….and then this song immediately undercuts the point I was trying to make.
This song reminds me a lot of ‘Carol Brown’ by Flight Of The Conchords, and that is high praise.


4. Danny Don’t You Know

I covered this song extensively back when the music-video came out, and it remains my favorite.
It also supports my claim of how this is a sweeter album than what I’ve come to expect from NSP.


5. Release the Kraken

This song could have just been a straight-up awesome rock song that any band would be proud to have in their repertoire, and the only thing that stops this song from being taken completely serious are the constant funny asides made by the titular Kraken, voiced by Brian Wecht himself.


6. Ninja Brian Goes to Soccer Practice

This is not a song, just a short sweet sketch about learning sportsmanship.
Moving on.


7. First Date

This song is also more mature than earlier songs.
Danny’s main agenda has gone from being entirely sexual in nature, and his main goal in this song seems to be to continuing to dating the lady he is on a date with.
Even if his idea of a good first date is a little bit…unusual.

The animation for the video was made by Shoocharu, the guy that made the unofficial video for ‘Peppermint Creams’.
Great to see any band utilise talent from their fanbase.


8. Smooth Talkin’

This would be the dirtiest song ever recorded, if any of the “dirty words” actually meant anything.


9. Heart Boner (Part II of the Boner Trilogy)

I have no idea what part 1 is.

Another song which betrays the band’s evolution.
The song may be littered with double entendre, but it is also portrayed with what seems like genuine romantic emotion, far more genuine than in ‘Why I Cry’ for instance.
In previous songs, sex would be the end-all be-all, and romance had no bearing on anything.

So I guess what I’m saying is, baby steps.


10. Romance Novel

Another little skit, in which Danny read aloud from his book.


11. Eating Food in the Shower

I really like this one, and this is another song where Danny Sexbang is in a long-term relationship.

I’m not sure if Dan Avidan himself is in a relationship, but I do know that Brian had a daughter at some point in the last few years, and since both Dan and Brian write the songs together, I think it is a fair guess that Brian’s parenthood has had some impact on the writing.
And I love that!


12. The Courtship of the Mermaid

Once more, a song built around romance, with the comedy coming from how bad Danny is at approaching women.


13. GFY

Not much to say here, just that this is going to be a very useful track to send to douchebags on the internet.


14. Mansion Party

Every NSP album (besides their cover albums) features a song with the word “party” in the title, besides their first album which just had a song with the NSP-acronym, where the P stands for “party”.
I am not sure if they are doing this on purpose, or if I’m just seeing patterns where there are none.
That could obviously also be true of my idea that this album is proving that NSP-music is becoming sweeter and more mature, but I feel much safer in that conclusion.


15. Outro (Patrol)

I give the album 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆, out of five.
Oh yeah, this is a review now.


NSP’s Ultimate Sandwich Recipe

ninja sex party ultimate sandwich recipe

This summer I have made a fair amount of posts featuring ‘Ninja Sex Party’ songs in anticipation of their new album ‘Cool Patrol’, so I decided that this months geeky recipe might just aswell be NSP themed.


This sandwich recipe is based on the explicit lyrics of the early NSP song ‘The Ultimate Sandwich’.

I have wanted to make a recipe based on this song for quite some time now, and now I finally feel like I’m ready.

So please, step into my demonic kitchen of pain…and feast your eyes!


The Recipe

ninja sex party ultimate sandwich recipe lineup

I did admittedly have to scale everything down, so if you want the authentic Ultimate Sandwich experience you’ll have to scale it back up again.


1. Cut two big slices of “wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains“. I went with a muesli bread, as the sweetness of the dried fruit matched well with all the meat in the sandwich.

2. Place one bread slice on a plate and cover it in salad and sun-dried tomatoes. Salad was never mentioned in the song, so this may be a bit sacrilegious, but salad on sandwiches is a must for me.

3. Pour over “an explosion” of clams.

4. Add “a dickload” of “weapons-grade ham“.

5. Place slices of “a shit-ton of chicken” on top of the ham. Chicken breast needs to be cooked in the oven on 200 degrees celsius (400 degrees farenheit) for about 15-20 minutes, depending on the size.

6. Add some cherry tomato slices. Also sacrilegious.

7. Add some slices of baked yams. The slices need to be baked in the oven until they start softening up, for about 20-25 minutes at 200°C/400°F.

8. I did not even try to find panther here in Norway (and I also like cats too much), but after some research I learned that pork loin apparently tastes a lot like panther. Pork loin needs to cook in the oven at 175°C/350°F for about one hour with a thermometer inserted into the center, until the internal temperature of the meat is 63°C/145°F. Slice that up, and add it to the sandwich.

9. I also had to find a replacement for bear, and since bear meat is supposedly very gamey, I figured moose meat would work. Cook the meat in the oven at 125°C/260°F until the thermometer for the internal temperature of the meat reads 65°C/150°F.

10. Duck breast was much easier to get a hold of. Cook the breast according to the specifications in my McDuck Breast recipe, slice it up, and add it to the pile.

11. Place some fried bacon on top of the duck meat, along with a handful of walnuts. While you fry the bacon in a pan, add the nuts in at the last minute, so that the bacon greases the nuts.

12. Top it all of with man’s hottest peppers, before placing the second slice of bread on the tippy-top.

13. Serve with “a bucket” of ranch dressing on the side.

ninja sex party ultimate sandwich recipe

14. …then slide in a sausage.

ninja sex party ultimate sandwich recipe


This bad-boy weighted in at just under one kilogram, or two pounds!

And you won’t belive this, but it was actually really good!