Brian Wecht: Ninja Dad Tweets

Audrey (3yo): Daddy, cast a spell on me!
Me: OK! This is a happy spell. It makes you happy!
*long pause*
Me: Well, did it work?
Audrey (without emotion): Daddy, look at me. Do I seem happy?

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) December 24, 2017

Audrey (3yo): Daddy, are there cats in the world?
Me: Yes. Cats exist.
Audrey: Wow

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 28, 2018

*listening to jazz station*
Me: Audrey, do you know what this kind of music is called?
Audrey (3yo): No!
Me: It’s call “jazz”.
Audrey: Yay! I love jazz!
Me: You do? You love jazz?
Audrey: Yeah! Jazz…min! From Aladdin!!!

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) February 27, 2018

Audrey (3yo): Tweet tweet!
Me: Aw, are you a birdy?
Audrey: Yes! I’m a mommy bird!
Me: Where are your babies?
Audrey: They’re eggs! They’re so cute!!!
Me: And is there a daddy bird?
Audrey, suddenly serious: He died a long time ago

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) March 4, 2018

Audrey (3yo): Daddy, I don’t love you. I can only love one person and I love mommy.@rachelwecht: Audrey, you can love lots of people.
Audrey: OK! I love lots of people!
Me: Yay!
Audrey: …but not daddy.

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 23, 2018

Me: Audrey, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Audrey (4yo): A music player, just like you!
Me: Yay!
Audrey: And I can play in your band!
Me: Yes please!
Audrey: And then when you die, I can take your place!
Me: …

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) November 12, 2018

Audrey (4yo): I want to make music with Danny!
Me: That would be fun! We could all write a song…
Audrey, interrupting: After you die. I only want to do it after you die.

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 29, 2019

Audrey (4yo): Katie wouldn’t play with me at school today!
Me: Oh no! What did you do?
Audrey: I sang a quiet sad song.

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) July 11, 2018

Audrey (4yo): Daddy! Daddy! Come here!
Me (entering from other room): OK, I’m here. What is it?
Audrey: Can you please leave me alone?

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) August 4, 2018

Audrey (4yo) and I are sitting on a couch together.
Audrey: You’re the best!
Me: Aw, thank you, honey.
Audrey: I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) August 25, 2018

Audrey (4yo): Daddy, why do you write songs for money?
Me: Because that’s my job. Also I love doing it.
Audrey: For money?
Me: Yes, that’s how I make money, but I also just really like making music.
Audrey: For money.
Me: Yes, but…
Audrey: MOMMY, DADDY WRITES MUSIC FOR MONEY

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 12, 2019

Audrey (4yo): Daddy, what’s a god?
Me: A god is a very, very powerful creature.
Audrey: Like a snapping shrimp!

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) March 11, 2019

My 4yo just said “Daddy, here’s some of my money” and handed me one Romanian Leu. Neither my wife nor I know where she got this. pic.twitter.com/JTD0vqYRC8

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) March 3, 2019

Audrey (3yo), leaving the room: “I’ll be right back for more adventures!”

— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) November 21, 2017